Star Wars Jokes
Signs That You May Be a Complete Star Wars Addict
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- You watch the entire trilogy at least once a month.
- You don't need a TV and VCR to watch the movies.
- You know at least 10 Star Wars web site addresses by heart.
- You know all the forms in which it's been released (theater, Pan &Scan video,
Letterbox, Laserdisc, etc.) and know the differences between them.
- You can recite *all* the dialogue from the entire trilogy.
- You quote the trilogy at apropos moments.
- You draw comparisons to Star Wars in casual conversation.
- You shell out 10 bucks for a magazine that describes the planet Tatooine.
- When your alarm clock goes off in the morning, your reply is, "Unexpected this is... and unfortunate!"
- You know the names of all major cast members and what they're doing now.
- You have a list of major bloopers and inside jokes in your head.
- You would feed yourself to the rancor if it meant finding out the name of Anakin's wife.
- You're always game to hear the latest rumor about the new films.
- Even if you don't buy the spinoff material, you know it's out there,
who wrote it, who published it, and you can probably give a synopsis of it.
- You can pick more nits out of a spinoff novel than Lucas himself.
- You hunt through ROTJ frame-by-frame searching for the shoe.
- You have gone over ANH and ESB frame-by-frame, just in case someone put a shoe in there, too.
- You think John Williams is the greatest composer ever lived.
- You wonder why the SW theme never makes it into any of those "Classical Collections"...
- You make lists like "101 Uses for An Ewok," OR "Signs You May Be a SW Addict!" (no comment)
- Your internet handle or signature refers to Star Wars.
- Your friends regularly quiz you on SW factoids.
- Whenever you buy a new appliance, you always make sure and get that one that speaks Bocce.
- You know more about the major characters' personalities than Lucasfilm does.
- When something is just out of your reach, you close your eyes and try to "force" it into your hand.
- When your professor hands you back a paper and says, "Commas are your weakness," you retort, "And your faith in your friends is yours!!"
- You know all the words to that Ewok song.
- Everytime someone tells you one of their deepest secrets you gloat and say,
"You're far too trusting."
- You insist on telling people the odds about everything!
- People tell you to stop saying, "I have a bad feeling about this" so often.
- You are counting the days until movie one of the prequels.
- You can't pick up a flashlight without waving it around and humming.
- You think the babblings of Yoda are relevant and useful to everyday life.
- When you experience insomnia, you begin counting nerf.
- You know what a nerf is.
- When you put Star Wars in the VCR and push "play," it's like you're being transported to another world.
- Someone mentions being abducted by little green men and you respond by pointing out that Yoda would never do such a thing!
- You find yourself discussing characters from the books and movies as if they were actually old friends of yours.
- You don't need subtitles when an alien speaks in one of the movies.
- You have a pet named after one of the characters.
- You have a child named after one of the characters or stars.
- You truly believe you are strong in the Force.
- Yoda and Ben appears to you in your dreams and you take their advice on a regular basis.
- A SW *.wav file plays on your computer whenever you do a windows application.
- You truly believe, after 13 years, that the new movies will be released any day now.
- When you get in trouble and your parents decide to punish you, they know that the only way they'll get through to you is by taking away your privilege to watch Star Wars.
- You dream about Star Wars, both at night and during the day.
- When you read SW books, you can see it happening in your head.
- You can't read a quote from one of the movies without acting like the person who actually said it!
- James Earl Jones will ALWAYS be Darth Vader to you, no matter what other role he is in.
- You are saving your money now. Because the special editions and prequels are coming
out soon and you know that what you want to do will require a lot of money!!
You're not a junkie until...
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- Any time you pick up a walkie-talkie or two-way radio, the first thing you say is "TK-421, why aren't you at your post?"
- Any time you need to go to a Radio Shack, or any other
electronics store, you actually look around for power converters.
- When you're looking through your drawer for that other black sock, you aid your search by telling yourself, "Lock on to the strongest power source, it SHOULD be the power generator."
- When riding your bike, you look behind you and accelerate wildly by pressing down on the pedal with your right toe.
- You've ever pretended the orange in your lunchbox was a thermal detonator,
and thought about using it to get a better price at the milk counter.
- You've made your Kenner Darth Vader figure a "proper" cloak out of cloth, to replace the cheap vinyl one he came with.
- You've kept the "good" action figures stored separately from the "bad" ones.
- Whenever you went anywhere outside with your friends, you always walked single file, to hide your numbers.
- You've written several letters to the President recommending that he dissolve the council, put power in the hands of the regional governors, and let fear keep the local systems in line.
- In college, after several hours of poker, you got thrown our of the game for suggesting, "How about some sabacc?"
- You believe there really is a Lando System, they just haven't found it yet!
- You've ever called somebody "laserbrain' - and meant it.
- You've ever used fishing line to try the snow speeder - tow cables maneuver on your cat.
- When you and a friend have been on one of those amusement park rides where you had to sit back to back, and you started calling him Dack and told him to stop whining about his approach vector.
- Whenever your mother asked you to babysit your little brother,
you always instilled confidence by replying, "leave him to me. I will deal with him myself."
- When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl,
you remarked, "the Force is strong with this one."
- On Halloween, you would never dress as one of the following:
However, you would dress as:
- Han Solo
- Crix Madine
- that spider droid from Jabba's palace
- that fat dancer from Jabba's palace
- Sy Snootles
- Imperial Death Star firing officers (dorky hat patrol)
- Mos Eisley Cantina bartender
- The sewer monster
- Boba Fett!
- An Imperial probe droid
- You always kept a bowl filled with live three-legged frogs next to your
bed, just in case you wanted a snack.
- As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always,
"It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard."
- You actually CAN move things with the Force.
- You've refused to enter a cave/cavern/tunnel without a handgun and a large stick.
- You've told the mall Christmas elf, "You will take me to Santa now."
- When someone had apoligized to you, you choked him and told him that you accepted his apology.
- You've told people that you're fluent in over 6 million forms of communication.
- When you waited for a friend to catch up with you, you told him to hurry up or he'd be apermanent resident.
- The girl you've been going out with suddently tells you she loves you and you said, "I know."
- You've bought Wing Commander III and/or IV just because Mark Hamill was in it!
- You've composed lyrics to the SW theme.
- You've tried to create your own Yoda puppet out of a green sock and some buttons.
- You have lightsaber duelled with cardboard tubes, rolled up periodicals, or common garden vegetables.
- When nobody else is around, you've seriously tried to draw something into your hand with theForce.
- You've used one of Solo's lines in an intimate situation.
- You've been pulled over by a policeman and when asked to see your drivers license you replied ,"You don't need to see my identification."
- You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confusedStar Wars with Star Trek, or spellied Wookiee with only one "e."
- You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir, droids."
- You've referred to Wedge Antilles or Boba Fett as "The Man."
- Everytime you put a glove on your right hand you say... "that's right, Artoo. We're going to the Dagobah System. I have a promise to keep to an old friend."
- You've ever found yourself in a chat room, training Jedi.
- You've tried to make your own lightsaber.
- You've gotten into a fist fight with a Trekkie.
- You've told family and friends that your children LOVE Star Wars, even though they really
don't, just so you can play with the toys!
- You've bought a white Isuzu Trooper, strictly because of the name!
Why the Chicken Crossed the Road...
In the Words of the Star Wars Characters
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- YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great.
- VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
- LUKE: Crossing the road is one thing, this is.... totally different.
- LEIA: I don't know... but I have a bad feeling about this.
- HAN: Hurry up, colonel sanders, or you're gonna be a permanent resident!
- THREEPIO: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing the road.
- ARTOO: beep beep be bop.
- CHEWIE: Gwrrroooooaaaarrrrrrlllllll!
- BEN: Cross the road, chicken. Let go, chicken. Chicken - trust me.
- BOBA FETT: What if the chicken doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me!
- WEDGE: My scope shows the other side but it looks really far, are you sure you can cross it?
- JERJERROD: The chicken is crossing the road? We shall double our efforts.
- BIB: Die chicken wanga?
- BIGGS: At that speed, will you be able to cross in time?
- TARKIN: The regional governors now have direct control over their chickens.
Fear will keep those chickens in line.
- UNCLE OWEN: I told you to forget it. Your only concern is to cross that road.
- AUNT BERU: He can't stay here forever. Most of his friends have already crossed. It means so much to him.
- ADMIRAL ACKBAR: All chickens - prepare to cross the road on my mark
- LANDO: Why you slimy, no good, double-crossing chicken!! You got a lot of guts crossing that road, after what you pulled!
- EMPEROR: If you will not cross, then you will be destroyed!
- JABBA: Bo shuda chicken!
Top 10 Star Wars-ish Things To Say When Your Parents Make A Surprise Visit To Your House/Dorm.
10. "Exciting is hardly the word I would use."
9. "Unexpected this is, and unfortunate."
8. Gesture around the room and say to your roommates, "If they don't go for this, we're
gonna have to get outta here pretty quick."
7. Say to them, as they come in the door, "You've got a lotta guts coming here after
what you pulled."
6. "Hi son, we just stopped by to see if you would JOIN US for lunch." Reply with
"I'll never join you!" (distort your face) Then throw yourself down the nearest shaft.
5. Ask them for money, then if they ask why they must pay __________
(fill in the amount)... Have a friend yell "Because he's holding a thermal detonator!"
(everyone dive for cover)
4. If they ask why the place is in such a mess reply with,
"Your eyes can deceive you - don't trust them ...
I've let go my conscious self and acted on instinct."
3. "I've got a bad feeling about this."
2. "Lock the doors, and hope they don't have blasters!"
1. If they ask how you are doing in school say,
"When I left you, I was but the learner, now I am the master."
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Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in the Star Wars Trilogy
A New Hope
- 'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.'
- 'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'
- 'Look at the size of that thing!'
- 'Sorry about the mess...'
- 'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'
- 'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'
- 'You've got something jammed in here real good.'
- 'Put that thing away before you get us all killed!'
- 'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'
- 'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care WHAT you smell!'
The Empire Strikes Back
- "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
- "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
- "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
- "But now we must eat. come, good food, come..."
- "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
- "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
- "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
- "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
- "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
- "Control, control! You must learn control!"
Return of the Jedi
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- "We have orders to give it only to Jabba."
- "What could possibly have come over Master Luke? Is it something I did?
He never expressed any unhappiness with my work." (C3PO)
- "Hey, point that thing someplace else." (Han)
- "I look forward to completing your training. I time you will call me master." (Emporer)
- "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?" (Leia)
- "I never knew I had it in me." (C3PO)
- "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab." (Lando)
- "There is good in him, I've felt it." (Luke)
- "If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt,
you'd probably short circuit." (C3PO)
- "I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can."
(Jerjerrod) with reply "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them." (Darth)
- "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!"
(Han) with "A little higher, just a little higher." (Lando)
- "Short help's better than no help at all." (Han)
- "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one." (Han)
- "Back door, huh? Good idea!" (Han)