Star Wars Jokes


Signs That You May Be a Complete Star Wars Addict

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You're not a junkie until...

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Why the Chicken Crossed the Road...
In the Words of the Star Wars Characters

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Top 10 Star Wars-ish Things To Say When Your Parents Make A Surprise Visit To Your House/Dorm.

10. "Exciting is hardly the word I would use."

9. "Unexpected this is, and unfortunate."

8. Gesture around the room and say to your roommates, "If they don't go for this, we're gonna have to get outta here pretty quick."

7. Say to them, as they come in the door, "You've got a lotta guts coming here after what you pulled."

6. "Hi son, we just stopped by to see if you would JOIN US for lunch." Reply with "I'll never join you!" (distort your face) Then throw yourself down the nearest shaft.

5. Ask them for money, then if they ask why they must pay __________ (fill in the amount)... Have a friend yell "Because he's holding a thermal detonator!" (everyone dive for cover)

4. If they ask why the place is in such a mess reply with, "Your eyes can deceive you - don't trust them ... I've let go my conscious self and acted on instinct."

3. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

2. "Lock the doors, and hope they don't have blasters!"

1. If they ask how you are doing in school say, "When I left you, I was but the learner, now I am the master."

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Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in the Star Wars Trilogy

A New Hope

  1. 'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.'
  2. 'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'
  3. 'Look at the size of that thing!'
  4. 'Sorry about the mess...'
  5. 'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'
  6. 'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'
  7. 'You've got something jammed in here real good.'
  8. 'Put that thing away before you get us all killed!'
  9. 'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'
  10. 'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care WHAT you smell!'

The Empire Strikes Back

  1. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
  2. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
  3. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
  4. "But now we must eat. come, good food, come..."
  5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
  6. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
  7. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
  8. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
  9. "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
  10. "Control, control! You must learn control!"

Return of the Jedi

  1. "We have orders to give it only to Jabba."
  2. "What could possibly have come over Master Luke? Is it something I did? He never expressed any unhappiness with my work." (C3PO)
  3. "Hey, point that thing someplace else." (Han)
  4. "I look forward to completing your training. I time you will call me master." (Emporer)
  5. "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?" (Leia)
  6. "I never knew I had it in me." (C3PO)
  7. "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab." (Lando)
  8. "There is good in him, I've felt it." (Luke)
  9. "If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short circuit." (C3PO)
  10. "I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can." (Jerjerrod) with reply "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them." (Darth)
  11. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!" (Han) with "A little higher, just a little higher." (Lando)
  12. "Short help's better than no help at all." (Han)
  13. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one." (Han)
  14. "Back door, huh? Good idea!" (Han)
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